You humans… have done something intelligent and considerate for a change - an image, fashioned in my likeness, and presented to me upon the close of another short human solar year.

…Having courted my favor, I hereby grant your species a reprieve from my wrath. May you and your kindred celebrate your end-of-year festivities peaceably.


[Listen, and listen well, ye who cherish their lives: you have merely appeased my good humor for but a moment. I am intent on returning to despising your condemnable lot the moment the clock strikes midnight.]



{My Lord Cars, this is truly exceptional. Such fine attention to detail; the craftsmanship….}
(Gimme that, Lord Wham! Eh, it’s n-nothing… Too special.)
[Lord ACDC, your tone betrays your true feelings: you are envious of this human tribunal offering. “One day, they too will carve one in my image!” you tell yourself - when you already recognize that this longing may ultimately be for naught - truly a pity.]
(Hah! C’mon, Lord Cars! Eh… y-you can’t read my mind! Even if I did want those mangy humans to slop together a puny thing like that for me… Um, erm, well - what about Lord Wham? He’s obviously dazzled by its charms!)
{Lord ACDC speaks the truth, Lord Cars. Forgive me for my impropriety and poor judgment.}
(See? What did I tell ya?)
[Forgive you, I will not: you have not erred and thus do not require to suffer the consequences of exercising poor form and manner - who knows? Perhaps the humans will find you deserving of one, Lord Wham. Only time will tell….]

[The same cannot be said of that haughty Diego Brando fellow, though doubtless he yearns to be recognized as such. Trifling human scum….]

[Perhaps the better question to ask might be, “Why do we humans continue to ignore the loincloth?”]

[This would naturally imply that I am still quite young by my species’s standards….]

[Addendum - I do not see what is so great about those airplane contraptions; see to it that you stop asking for opportunities to ride aboard them.]
(Besides, Lord Cars here can fly!)
[Lord ACDC, do not give him ideas….]

[If you do… let us just say we are always on the lookout for new sources of food.]
{Lord Cars, I believe I misspoke here….}
[Really? Hmm… I will see to meting out proper punishment later, then.]

Did you really believe I awoke one evening and simply decided to despise human flesh?